It’s only the dark & twisties, I remind myself. It’s only the dark and the damaged. Just breathe. Take your meds. Breathe. Remind yourself. Breathe again. Keep. Breathing. But tonight, like some nights…like this night, I can’t breathe. Did I forget my meds? Why am I thinking these thoughts? Go away, go away, go away. I’m trying to breathe here and you’re getting in … Read More One Million
I should have let you go when I had the chance. I should have seen this was too good to be true. I should’ve known that I’d find the truth between your lies. As much as I wanted to believe you meant it, I knew. As much as I said I wouldn’t let you do it all over again, you tried. As much as … Read More If Only
Okay, so. I have no words. I am empty. Most moments I am numb but then the waves come and I feel everything. This, is a huge wave. And I check my phone, nothing. My inbox, nothing. My door, my car… I looked for you everywhere I went and I found nothing. So, here I am. Searching. Searching for words. Emotions. Answers. You. Coming … Read More Searching
When you meet someone, you see skin, beautiful eyes, breathtaking smile, brightly colored personality; and you feel warm and fluttery. But when you meet someone, you don’t know what keeps them up at night, or if they’ve had pain. So much pain it changed them, altered their whole body from skull to toe, sympathetic to nervous system. You can’t tell that they have days … Read More Part 2
I don’t write happy things. I don’t write positive things. I can’t formulate a sentence in my head that comes off as sugary-sweet and not bitter-sweet. I don’t, I can’t. So then as the universe likes to do, you came into my life. But, you didn’t walk in, knocking then waiting for permission to come in. No, you fell smack down on my feet … Read More Part 1
My throat is blocked. There’s something stuck right in the middle of my trachea. Don’t you ever feel that? Just… Like, you can’t breathe or sleep or eat and you can’t even cry because it’s just right there. swallowing you whole. eating at you. and no matter how many times you breathe in…and out… Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You worry, if this goes on much longer … Read More Untitled.
Can’t just slap me with empty words than think you said enough to fill me. Can’t just make a pinky promise then forget the sacred knot we made. You can not just be an asshole and think a simple Snapchat or a text message every blue moon will make me forget the former. You can’t just make me feel everything one second and then … Read More Not a Happy Story
I guess I don’t understand… I don’t understand how I get yelled at and dismissed; hung up on. I guess I thought that you finally got it, but apparently not. I just don’t understand. Because, you’ve never been around. You’ve never stuck around long enough. In fact, you’ve been the one to “jerk me around” time and time again. I don’t understand how I … Read More
They’re back. I turned them off for months and I think they’re back. I think they’re back because I find myself unable to sleep, thinking about you. I cry again. Real human tears. And then I feel things, terrible human things. When this happens I just want to turn it all off again. Make everything stop. Stop feeling. Stop hurting. Stop being, here. I’m … Read More So, over.