I only had been sitting in that car for hours, fighting with you. For you. For us. For anything. For the last bit of hope. 

You only happened to say, “I mean, we did move fast, did we not?!” 

Only, I couldn’t agree with that. No. No, I couldn’t agree with that. Because that’s bullshit. 

And you only said that because you’re more afraid of fighting for something worth it than letting it go and longing for it later. 

You only happened to break my heart ten ways to Sunday, and I only stayed. To repair it myself, and hand it back, in the palm of my hands saying, “Here. Try again.” 

But, the honest truth is… I don’t think that we move too fast, as people, when it comes to someone you simply have fallen in love with. I don’t think it’s moving too fast, because then you tell me that all that time, that you’re now looking back on and think it was “too fast. It’s now voided. It doesn’t count. It doesn’t mean as much because, “it was too fast.” 

You only said that, for me to realize that you’re afraid. You’re so scared. And so fucked up. You don’t know how to be in this, no matter how bad you want to be in it. 

I only disagreed and held up a mirror and said, “Look.” 

I only ensured you that, no, I will not redact all this time that is now too much for you. Because no, it was not too much. And no, you’re not in this and no, you didn’t really mean anything you said. 

You only run away when something isn’t convenient for you. When emotions are too heightened and expectations become apart of your vocabulary but not how you have any, none that you admit to – although everything you ask from me turns into your expectations. You, my love, you can’t have any expectations held against you when it comes down to the wire. 

You only thought you fell in love with me. You only abandoned me, and then asked to come back. 

I only said yes. 

You only took it all back. In the first moment. 

I only fell for it. I only sat in that car for hours… trying to see something that had been in front of me all along. You only stayed for a moment. I only needed that moment to know. 

Xo,

#thets

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