I know you and you hate it.

I know that there’s a girl you love and then there’s me. I know, you know, I know-but I won’t ask you to stop or tell you to leave. I can’t.

I know that you have this side of you; the sweet, lovable, understanding, sensitive side that speaks to all the pieces of me. I know this side that calls me all day, everyday, just to see my face. I know that this side will text me cute things, nonstop, like a little kid in love. I know that this side loves me all the time and will climb a mountain and swim the ocean for the love like ours.

But I know you, and you’re ‘mean face’ side. I know how you get when you’re pot boils to the edge. I know you start spewing venom that you can’t even recall when reminded. I know that you have this deep-rooted insecurity that will be thrown in my face even though the you I know and the same that is me know that you have nothing to ever worry about, ever. Because I’m yours. But this you, is damaged, and not my dark and twisty kind but the sharp thorn on a black rose in a maze with no way out, damaged. And that’s okay too because I’ve known of her and sometimes, if I love you just right you let me in the maze with you and we find our way out. But most of the time, this you is uncontrollable and hateful; heartless. The Kanye to my Kim. This you though, takes a hold of one piece of me and they run away together-until the next time.

But, see, I know you. I know how if I slowly back away and let you go, you’ll hate me and resent me and say things I hoped to never hear and I’d hope you never meant but it beats twelve more strikes of the same venom and thirty more hours in the thorn maze. I know that if I tell you, “you can be however you want but I’m still going to be here. I’m still going to love you,” enough times, well one time you’ll hear me and just like that you’ll fall back into my little kid, hopeless. I know that… I can never do anything right by you and anything I do is wrong, you’ll always remind me of that.

But, I loved you every day for four years and that’s not wrong. Just, one day, you’ll take those four years and the person I’ve glued back together a billion times over and you will say something so dark, so lost in your maze, that you’ll never get out. And you would’ve killed the only person who always came to save you.

3 Comments on “

  1. “if I never see you again
    I will always carry you
    on my fingertips
    and at brain edges
    and in centers
    of what I am of
    what remains.”

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