My throat is blocked. There’s something stuck right in the middle of my trachea. Don’t you ever feel that? Just… Like, you can’t breathe or sleep or eat and you can’t even cry because it’s just right there. swallowing you whole. eating at you. and no matter how many times you breathe in…and out… Nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

You worry, if this goes on much longer this little thing will make a home and live with me forever. And most of the time I don’t care to shake it. Or you. 

I’m drowning. But what difference does that make, right? 

So it builds, and builds and now it’s taking over my whole body and in a wave I get one single nano second of what feels like could be my release. And it’s gone. Just a tease. Just like you. 

Yet, I hope for another wave, even if it hurts like hell. Even if it’s a good and a bad pain all in one. 

I just need to shake you. I have enough demons and adding you to the list, I don’t have the room. On my list. In my head. In my heart. 

If I cut this out, I would. If I could cut the block, the feelings, the you, every little piece of you. I could just cut it out and bleed out every part of me. Just drain myself completely and I can start over. But I can’t because being without the pain would certainly be worse than not knowing what it felt like to feel this…. To feel whatever you could call this.

My throat, my head, my heart, it’s all blocked. And I’m fucked up. But I need one wave, one wave to take me over and even if it drowns me in water and I get caught underneath and scrape the shit out of knee… I don’t care. 

I need one wave.

Just one. 

Only one. 

To rid myself of…Well,



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