Okay, so.
My mom came to my house this evening.
“C’mon Al, we gotta go. I’m gonna take you in.”
I sob. “No, mom. No. I’m okay. I just want to sleep. I don’t want to go mom.”
She insists. And I sob. But she insists.
Everyone is on the phone now.
“It’s not working for you Al, you need help. It’s okay.”
Everyone reminds me they love me,
“We love you. And we are scared for you. We are worried about you. But we love you.”
We love you.
We love you.
They love me.
They love me.
I know. I know.
But, I just want to sleep.
Please mom, can I just sleep.
No Al, you can’t sleep here.
They won’t let me be by myself.
But I persuade them, not there, Mom. Not there.
I get my things.
I yell that they aren’t helping anything.
They only make it worse when you treat me like I’m an incompetent child.

But I realize..
Things will never be the same.
I will never be the same.
I used to be this girl…she was…
Well, it doesn’t matter now because she’s gone.

I get in the car. We get here. I get into this bed. And I lay here and cry some more. My baby sister hugs me, “Don’t be sad,” she tells me. She hugs me again. I hug her back.

My mom checks in on me every twenty minutes. I’m a circus animal.

So here I am! Dun-dun! Having a psychotic break. But, I swear it’s just a bad couple of days. My days are all bad, they’re all sad, I’m always sad, baby sister. It’s just these days are particularly sad and particularly bad but in a couple of days I’ll be just okay again. My new okay, which is someone else’s bad. I will. Just give me the chance Mom, I’ll be okay.

Okay, so, I don’t know. I’m broken, is all.

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