I drew a line in the sand to protect myself from you.



I only wish to one day pick you and in return stop choosing fear. 
We’ve grown apart. 



If Only

I should have let you go when I had the chance.

I should have seen this was too good to be true.

I should’ve known that I’d find the truth between your lies.

As much as I wanted to believe you meant it, I knew.

As much as I said I wouldn’t let you do it all over again, you tried.

As much as you say you love me, if my silence doesn’t make your heart ache, it was never meant to love me in the first place.



I have no words. No words for how I feel or why I feel this way. So I have no words.

And it’s frightening as all hell.



I think I’d rather be numb and not feel anything. Not breathe. Or live.

Than this, any longer.

All I’ll ever have are the memories. I don’t know if they were real, or a dream. Disingenuous, or authentic.

But now it’s all that’s left. All I have. Real or not. Lies or truth. You or the idea of you.

Fake or not, I can’t stand how much I miss you. And how much I know you…. don’t.




I called you.

A hour and 56 minutes after you walked away from me.

I was calling to tell you that I want you in my life. No matter how fucked up life is right now. No matter how fucked it up it could be. Will be.

I called you.

I was calling to tell you that I forgave you. For any wrongdoing you’ve ever done to me. And I will keep on forgiving you.

I’m an idiot.


I called you.

I called you to remind you how good you have it. And that you’ll miss me. What you’ll be missing.

And then I realized I shouldn’t have to remind someone why they should…

choose me

pick me

love me

I called you.

I wanted you to know that you’re loved.

I called you.

“This mailbox is full.”



Nothing is better than calling someone at 5:00am to destroy them.

Okay, so.

I have no words. I am empty.

Most moments I am numb but then the waves come and I feel everything. This, is a huge wave.

And I check my phone, nothing. My inbox, nothing. My door, my car…

I looked for you everywhere I went and I found nothing.

So, here I am. Searching.

Searching for words.




Coming up short.

I’m a fool. I’m so stupid.

And if only you were here to give me everything I have nothing of.

Until then…

Absolutely. Fucking. Nothing.